RIP Crixus

For the youngest's sixth birthday in July, we bought him two hermit crabs. We follow something of a mythology and ancient history theme for the naming of pets and we had just finished watching Spartacus: Blood and Sand, so we named the two crabs Crixus and Spartacus.

Crixus died sometime over the last couple days. I don't know how. His remains were found very far from his shell. His shell was in his own coconut hut but his body was, to my horror and disgust, found dismembered and partially eaten in Spartacus's hut. He may have been crawling around looking for an empty shell and Spartacus got territorial. He may have died and then was dragged to the other hut.

Spartacus seems pale and lethargic. He may be sick (a possibility if Crixus was sick) or lonely. Or maybe he just overate. It seems that crabs and other natural scavengers often cannibalize their sick/dying/dead colony mates even when other food is available. Animals are horrible sometimes.

We shouldn't have named them after gladiators. It was asking for trouble.

Update: I went to check on Spartacus. He appears to be no longer lethargic. He abandoned his old shell and has taken up residence in Crixus's old shell in. After doing some research, it seems that shell fights aren't uncommon for hermit crabs. He probably just needed the body gone (eaten or otherwise) before he was comfortable taking the shell. Horrifying and messed up, but apparently normal.

Keep your eyes to yourselves

I had the XM radio on while I did some kitchen stuff. The Warrior by Scandal came on the 80s station. I'm singing along:

Shootin' at the walls of heartache, bang, bang, I am the warrior
Well I am the warrior, and heart to heart you'll win..if you survive
the warrior....the warrior

You talk, talk, you talk to me
Your eyes touch me physically
Stay with me--

Whoa, there, back up. Your eyes touch me physically? I don't think she knows what "physically" means or how literally it forces that statement to be taken. I'm all for artistic license and romantic metaphors, but that's just creepy and weird.

Kid stories aren't usually my thing

I picked the kids up at their classrooms this afternoon. The youngest (6) asked for my help getting his snack out of his pocket.

It was a half-eaten nectarine which had been there since afternoon recess.

He ate it.

Yoshinator

Harsh

Hi Jen,

I do not support your getting married. If you want some advice you will RUN not walk away from that whole situation. On the other hand, you must be allowed to make your own mistakes. That is my dilemma. I have not booked my flight and I will NOT attend. I am doing what is best.

Love Dad

I wasn't sure I wanted him there anyhow after he kicked us out last month, and I already suspected that he was against me getting married (not necessarily to David, he's just anti-marriage in general). I definitely don't want anyone there who feels that way. It's not unexpected...but still hurts.

Dad is apparently fine with his daughters shacking up in long-term domestic partnerships. He doesn't want either of us to be lonely or unhappy. But he was financially screwed over and emotionally damaged by my mother in their divorce and has become completely against marriage. He has been passively against my sister or me getting married to anyone just on general principle. Last month when we visited he determined that he didn't like thechildren at all, so it seems he's now specifically against me marrying into this family.

He's a very quiet kind of person who believes in suffering silently and never talking about things, which is why this is the first I'm hearing about his disapproval. He started off very positive and supportive, and was even planning his flights. Now it's apparent that he was doing it out of duty and not wanting to hurt my feelings. Hearing that a copy of the invitation was in the mail led to discussion about his flights and involvement which led to the question of whether he wanted to be there at all. (I advised him to throw the invitation in the garbage without opening it when it arrives, as he won't like the wording. David really wanted my dad to feel included and respected and insisted that we go with a traditional "[Jenn's dad] requests the honour or your presence..." invitation. Kinda regretting that choice now.)

When he does finally break his silence, he does it like this. His two modes are "Suffer silently" and "Runaway Mack truck."

This is for the best. He was such a jerk to us when we visited him last month that I wasn't sure I even wanted him at the wedding, but I didn't want to burn bridges and tell him that he wasn't welcome. I mistakenly thought that being at his youngest daughter's wedding was important to him, so my plan was just to just keep the peace until after the wedding and then let things drift apart however they would. I'm feeling similarly to how I did when my mother died: I wasn't sad over her loss, I was sad over the life we should have had and the lost opportunity. My father as a person will not be missed at the wedding, but I'm still sad about the situation.

Worst. Vacation. Ever.

After about a year and a half of my dad asking when David and I will visit with the kids, we were finally able to make it happen in early August. We left home on a Thursday afternoon and planned to leave early the following Monday morning to make the 10 hour drive home.

The drive there was uneventful. Things at Dad's got off to a bad start when the youngest boy was bitten in the face by one of Dad's dogs. He had to have his nose glue-sutured. We got past it and had a great night of going to a drive-in movie. The next day we went on a really nice kayaking trip down the Shuswap river. My dad was full of criticism about how we were too impatient and strict with the kids, and how we just need to let them be kids. We were trying to be mindful of his space and we kept the kids out and about as much as we could, they slept in a tent in the yard, and we always offered to take separate vehicles with them. We were impatient and strict because this was really the first time my dad had spent any time with them and we didn't want to overstay our welcome.

On Sunday afternoon while waiting for my sister to meet us for a hiking trip to a local waterfall, about five minutes after some of the aforementioned criticism, my dad very abruptly and completely unexpectedly kicked us out. I had mentioned something about the drive the next morning and he said "No, you're leaving tonight. You and Dave are more than welcome, but the kids have to go."

The kids were being a little rambunctious because he'd gotten them all excited about going to see a waterfall, but then they had to wait with nothing to do for my sister to meet us. They didn't have any toys with them to keep them occupied and the biting dog was outside so they couldn't go play in the yard. He simply got tired of having them around and kicked us all out. The baffling thing was that they'd hardly been around him except at meal times. They camped in the yard so he didn't have them around at night at all, and we'd become separated on the river while kayaking so he didn't see them most of that day, too. He blew up after 15 minutes of them in his living room when he was the one who got them all keyed up. He'd been lobbying for them to visit so he can get to know them for so long now, but once they were there he wanted nothing to do with them and made no effort at all.

My sister and I are still reeling and trying to wrap our heads around just how monumentally out of character this was. We gave him plenty of outs for not having the kids around too much, but instead of taking us up on our offers, talking to us about it, asking us to get a hotel, or telling us the night before or even first thing that morning, he kept nonchalantly blowing off our concerns and waited until it was a really bad time to start a 10 hour drive to blow up. We had to pack up in a hurry and get on the road. I have never felt so rejected before and I've no idea how to deal with my father now.



We ended up driving overnight and made it home very late. We'd just gotten into bed when we heard the alarm linked to the keyfob for minivan (which we'd borrowed from David's mom). Four teens had broken in and were either trying to steal the van or whatever they could find in the van. David chased them down, police were called by both us and the one kid he cornered, statements were given, everyone walked away unscathed and thus far un-charged (including the vandals/thieves due to lack of evidence). We finally got to sleep around 4:00am but had to get up after a few hours to deal with the van and insurance.

Then there was a violent storm which saw parts of our basement flooded ankle-deep and the power out for several hours. Several breakers were off for several hours because of water pouring in around outlets and fixtures.

Boo-urns.